Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for this little girls pure joy and excitement over the little things in life...like push pops lol

Wordless Wednesday

StoryTime Live

Alayah has been looking forward to going to see this forever. Every time a commercial comes on for it she gets so excited and says "we goin tah see dat mom"

She wore her "kai-lamb" shirt for the occasion lol

She sat on my lap the whole time and just watched intently. She didn't want to participate, but she was definitely just absorbing it all in. After it was over she said she loved it and wanted to see it again. Their souvenirs weren't too badly priced so she got an eco bag with all the characters and a little Dora doll. Afterwards we went to Dairy Queen and had some ice cream to top off the night.

Moment in Time Monday

uhh...don't mind the messy face lol

Seahorses

I am really bad about coming up with names for each post. I've had this outfit for Alayah since April and she's never worn it and now its starting to cool off here so I thought I'd better put it on her.

Busy Day

I cleaned out my storage unit today and moved all my stuff to my grandma's so I don't have to do it when the moving truck is here. Alayah and Nana fell asleep on me lol

At night we went to my friends house so I could braid her daughter hair. The girls are a little over a year apart and are the same size now lol. They have tons of fun playing together and I'm definitely going to miss them when we leave.

Mommy and Me day

I took Alayah out for lunch today and she was so well behaved. Usually, when we got out to eat she is up and down and trying to run around. This time she sat still and we talked and I loved it.

After we got back home I stopped and snapped some pictures because she looked so cute in her daisy outfit. It was a great day.

Thankful Thursday

I love that Alayah likes to read. I love that she will read to herself when her mama and nana are busy packing too

Alayah's First 3D movie

I took Alayah out to the movies today. She really enjoy going to the movies and loves the whole experience. She loves getting popcorn and swedish fish.

The only new movie out was Alpha and Omega and it was only in 3D so I thought we'd give it a try.

She did really good with wearing the glasses. She took them off towards the end of the movie, but she was also losing interest by then a well.

Oh and yes, Girls Bring More Game lol

Another Pizza Party Day

Alayah is always excited to go out for pizza. At this point I think that she is just happy to get out of the house.

I thought this picture was funny because her foot is inside the basket of ponies. I love seeing her like something so much. It's so cute.

Painter Girl

I let Alayah paint while I straightened her hair so I could trim it. It kept her quite entertained.

She thought her hair was pretty funny straight. I wish her hair would get longer fast. It seems to stop growing in the back and that's the one place I want it to grow lol

Zebra Girl

We headed to church today and then out to lunch with Nana. Alayah loves zebra's and I love dressing her in zebra print lol. I found this outfit on http://www.crazy8.com/ and I love it

I bought the whole collection just because I really wanted the shoes lol

For the love of ponies

Alayah is in love with ponies. It is pony this and pony that all day long.

She loves herself some ponies. I think it is fun that she makes sure to play with all her ponies not just one.

They go to bed with her too lol...in the car...out to eat...shopping...ponies ponies everywhere lol

Sad

So I found out today that Alayah's father moved across the country. He left without saying anything. I am so sad for Alayah. I can not believe he just left her without saying goodbye. How could he do that? Doesn't she mean something to him? Wasn't she worth saying goodbye to and giving one last hug or kiss to?
I'm heartbroken for Alayah. Why did he have to do this to her?
She won't be affected by his decison right now. She doesn't see him enough to care much, but in 10 years she may be deeply affected by his choice. I wish that I could have stopped this from happening. I wish that I could make sure that she won't be hurt now or in the future by him, but I can't and I hate that. God has a plan for us and I know that He will give me the words the scriptures and the strength to help her through this when she has questions or his hurt by this turn of events.
He has the attitude of why should he of said goodbye in his eyes he only changed addresses. Umm changing addresses would mean you moved to a different part of town not several states away. He acts like it is no big deal. I just can't understand his line of thinking. He has two other children that he left when we got together. In three years he has seen them twice and both times it was only because someone else funded his trip. He also has family in that town. I don't see him making a special trip to see her unless someone else funds it which would mean he would need a girlfriend with money because he can't hold a job longer than a month. I have cried all day because I am so hurt that he did that to her. That my child doesn't mean anything to him. That she wasn't worth a five minute goodbye...nothing.
I am so thankful that my daughter has the opportunity to have a relationship with her siblings. I am grateful that my daughter has my family who loves her dearly and will always be there for her. I am grateful that God knew that I would be able to get her through this as I experienced the same thing as a child. I am grateful for a God who will always love us and who will never leave us. Alayah is also lucky to have a mommy that will never leave or abandon her no matter what.

Frustrated

Someone got into the foam soap and she was upset cuz it was in her nose

I have been feeling really frustrated lately. I am becoming very discouraged and defeated and frustrated over Alayah's father. We were engaged throughout my pregnancy and despite major daily issues between us I toughed it out until Alayah was born. Once she was born she became my world and the things that he was doing were no longer acceptable. I couldn't have him around her acting the way he was. I was finally able to have him leave my apartment a week before she turned 5 months old.
I told him that all I wanted was for him to be involved in her life. He moved in with someone else a few blocks away and since then has seen Alayah a handful of times. It frustrates me. How can you be the parent of someone so precious and only want to be with them once a month. He lives down the street and never makes time for her. He doesn't pay child support. He doesn't call to ask how she is doing. He doesn't do anything for her at all. He comes around once a month and sometimes just drops by and says hi and other times he will take her for 1-3 hours. If I counted all the hours he has had her since she was five months old it would probably only equal 24 hours. I just don't get it. I've tried encouraging him to spend time with her. Offering to drop her off, offering to give him money to take her to do something, and offering for him to come over to see her. If it's not his idea on his time he declines.
He only takes her when he has money and can take her out to eat with his various girlfriends, so that he can show her off and boost his ego. Alayah thinks that any black man is "daddy." He is mad at me that she doesn't know that he is her only daddy. I don't think it is my job to inform her of the difference. I am already Mom and Dad so why should I do that for him. I do everything for her and I always have. We are moving to a different state next month and he has known this for a long time and yet he has not made any attempts to spend extra time with her.
I call he won't answer. I text he won't answer. I don't understand. The one person in the world who should care about her as equally as me doesn't. That hurts. It hurts me for her. How do you explain that to a child. How do explain that she wasn't important enough for her daddy. I am not going to make excuses for her father. I know it will hurt, but I am not going to say oh he loves you but he wasn't ready to be a dad or he loves you he just doesn't know how to show it. I will not do that because that is giving an excuse for him to treat her this way. It is not fair to her to lie. I wish I felt more comfortable lying because it would save her heart from being hurt for awhile.
I cry sometimes thinking about the pain that he is causing her that she isn't even aware of yet. I think ahead of how I am supposed to explain this to her. I hate that he does this. I have been struggling with a hard decision. Do I cut him off completely? I don't want him popping in once a year or randomly to confuse her. I feel he should be regular with his relationship with her. I don't want him making empty promises to her. Do I let things continue as they are? Let him show up whenever...let her deal with him not being there when she needs him? I just don't know.

Peezah Pawty

We got out for pizza every week and Nana has always called it going to a Pizza party. Anytime we have pizza now Alayah calls it a pizza party

Punk Rocker

I bought this outfit awhile ago, but have never put it on her for some reason. She loved it.

Nana was getting ready to take her to McDonalds to play and she had so much fun. Its good for her to get out of the house for a little bit because we have been here all day everyday for the past month and its getting very old with the same routine all the time.

Moment in Time Monday

I love watching my little beauty sleep. I wish I could snuggle her all night long, but she is so heavy and it hurts my arms lol

A date with Mommy

Nana went out of town today, so I took Alayah to the movies. I love going to the movies with her. She gets so relaxed and snuggles with me the whole time. It's like the only time she sits still unless she is asleep lol. After the movie we came home and I dug out some play-doh that she got for her birthday that I haven't let her play with yet.

She had so much fun playing with it and sat for a really long time. I think we will play with this stuff more often

I heart ponies

I ordered this outfit for her and she loves it.

This girl has serious style. :)

Other words she says that are pretty cute are

"tong"= strong

She says "we have a problem" and I find it so cute. I need to dig out my video camera and record some of her sayings.

Park Day

I took Alayah down the street to the park today after a full day of packing and cleaning.

 I made her pose for a couple of shots for me, but she was on the move most of the time. She loved swinging and going down the slides.

While we were there a few friends decided to come join us.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful this little girl loves to wear pink. It's my favorite color and I'm glad that she appeases me by wearing cute girly things even though she seems to be more of a tomboy.

I'm thankful for it now because I know someday her styles will not be what mommy likes lol

Sleepy Girl

I love watching her sleep. She is so peaceful and its the only time during the day that she sits still for more than 2 minutes lol. I've been so busy lately that I keep forgetting to take pictures of her until she is already in bed.

Future Soccer Player

Alayah loves to play with balls. She is getting so much better at catching them and she loves to kick them around the yard. I think I may have a soccer player on my hands.

Moment in Time Monday

So Alayah has regressed in the potty training department. I thought we had it in the bad and then she just decided she didn't want any part of it anymore. I've gone to bribery lol. She gets a sticker if she pees in the potty. Well someone got into the stickers while I was busy packing. I'm glad they went to good use lol

Jumping on Mama's bed

Alayah thinks its great fun to jump on my bed. We haven't been doing anything too exciting lately except packing and cleaning. I didn't realize we had so much stuff. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to pack stuff so I'm throwing it out. Seems easier that way lol

New style

I decided to braid Alayah's hair tonight. She fell asleep in the middle so the sides didn't turn out very well. At least she won't be crying about me combing her hair for the next few days.

Hello Kitty Girl

Alayah got some new Hello Kitty slippers at Target yesterday so I found her some clothes in her closet to match so she could wear them all day.

She is into sticks and rocks lately...I don't know why

I haven't brushed her hair since yesterday either and I am afraid to even start the de-tangling process. I love her hair, but it certainly requires a lot of work

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful that I am blessed to be this little girls mama

My singing Girl

Alayah is in love with her ponies and they go everywhere with her. Even to bed lol. She found a party hat from her birthday today and she put one on herself and one on her baby and ran around the house singing "Hauppy burpday to me" It was sooo cute

She has really been into singing lately. She has two lines of Twinkle Twinkle little star and part of the alphabet. I am trying to get her to do it on video, but she starts being silly when I get out the camera.