Thankful Thursday

Alayah is really starting to get the concept of singing songs this month. She will sing the end of jingles that come on tv and she will sing the last few words of chorus lines from the radio. I love hearing her sing. She is very serious about it. Her favorite songs to sing right now are Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Jesus Loves Me. She could sing to me all day and I would be a happy girl

Moment in Time Monday

Today was President's Day, so Alayah didn't have school. We decided to go see Gnomeo and Juliet again because well there wasn't much else to do today. I guess everyone else in town decided to go see it too because there were not any empty parking spots near the theater. We had to go around and park in the parking garage and walk through the casino to get to the theater.

 I love going to the movies with Alayah. It's our special thing to do together. It was a great day spent together.

Movie night with Mama

I bought Alayah Oliver and Company this weekend so while my parents were out of town I decided to have a movie night with my girl. We ate dinner on the couch and had popcorn and coke. She loves special times like these and I love seeing her so excited over something so simple.

Wrestling with Granpa

Alayah's new favorite thing is to wrestle with her granpa. She stands on one end of the living room and he on the other. Then she counts 1,3,5,7,8,9,14,15,17,19,17 GO!!! and then they charge acroos the room and crash into each other and then fall to the floor. She thinks it's the greatest thing in the world. Her face just lights up and she gets so excited. Her counting changes some times she only goes to 9 but I think it is funny how she skips so many numbers lol.

I don't have to

For the last three years I have been asking Alayah's father for pictures of his mother who passed away in 2004. I want the pictures so that I can show them to Alayah so she knows her family members on his side. I've never received any. Alayah's uncle passed away last May and he has several children who are Alayah's cousins. I asked at that time for pictures of her uncle and for pictures of his kids...never received any. Alayah's father has an older brother who was at the funeral of the uncle who passed away and Alayah's half-sister's mom(hope I haven't lost you) talked to him and got his phone number and has been in contact with him several times since the funeral.
Alayah's father likes to stretch the truth no matter what it is, so me and Alayah's siblings' mothers have unanswered questions regarding that side of the family.
Alayah's half-sisters mom has been asking him questions and getting what I am hoping are truthful answers. It has helped close up a lot of unanswered questions like...Is Alayah's dad really Jamaican and Puerto Rican. These types of things are important to me because they are parts of Alayah's history.
Alayah's dad doesn't like me to ask anyone questions about him or his family to anyone but him. He feels all things must go through him. If they don't he has a hissy fit. Literally.
At the time of his brothers death he called me up and cussed me out because I asked a family member for pictures and information. He felt I should only ask him. I said fine and asked him for the information. It's been 9 months and nothing. I asked Alayah's half-sisters mom to ask the older uncle for his address so I could send him pictures of Alayah and to ask him about his kids and maybe see if he has any pictures of his mother he could send for her.She kept forgetting to ask him so I asked Alayah's dad to see what he would say. His comment was "What for" I told him why and he said his brother already had pictures of her. Ones he forwards to his cell phone. I knew I was getting nowhere with him so I left it alone because I knew Alayah's half-sisters mom was going to ask him. She asked him and he agreed to give me his address.
Well I get a call from Alayah's dad today cussing me out for going around him again. I told him I get tired of him never coming through. He said I want it in my time and that I should just let him handle it. I'm sorry but I don't see why I should wait years for information. He wanted to know why I'm so rushed about it. Umm...let's see. The biggest reason is we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Alayah never got to meet the uncle who passed away because her dad was a jerk and wouldn't give me his information so I could contact him when we were in his town. He died a few weeks later. Because he is selfish she misses out. His brother missed out on meeting her.
Her father didn't tell anyone in his family Alayah even existed until after she was born and I doubt it was because he wanted to. Her dad told me that he wants to keep his family information and stuff to himself and then share it with her when she is a teenager. He wants it to be something for him to share with her not me. Am I being unreasonable?
I keep coming back to the we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. If he croaks tomorrow how will she know anything about herself? or her family? I told him that I didn't have to spend my money or time to drive to New Mexico so that Alayah can see her siblings every year. I didn't have to put my time or energy into hunting down family members and asking them awkward questions so that I can tell my daughter about her family. I don't have to talk to his family and tell them about a special little girl. I don't even have to talk to her father, but I do. I put up with him yelling at me and calling me names because I love her. I put her first. I don't want her to question who she is or who her family is. I spend time with her siblings mothers only because I love her and what her to have time with her siblings and have a relationship with them. I know its awkward for all of the moms to be in a room together and be friendly, but we all do it for the kids. Because of my research and hard work and putting up with her dad's crap I have people in his family who care about Alayah and know her.
 I told him all the stuff I didn't have to do and he said he never asked me to. If I didn't do all this she would have nothing because he wouldn't do it either. He barely even knows her. He only calls once a month. He hasn't seen her since August. His kids don't know him and eventually they won't care to know him. Ughh....I'm just so frustrated.

Vday hair style

Alayah is pretty excited about it...not really she was excited about the dog on her dress lol

Wordless Wednesday

that is not boogers lol

Doesn't she just make you want to smile

I love this girls smile. It can light up a room. She picked out her shoes to wear today. Not what I would have picked but oh well

Alayah is starting to sing along to songs more lately. She is getting better at her ABC's but she has been skipping E F and G. I think it's safe to say now that she is officially potty trained. I thought she was several times before, but right after I would think for sure she would regress and we would have to start all over. She has been doing awesome since December and doesn't even have any accidents at school. She only wears pull ups at night time. She sleeps dry during naps so she doesn't need any for naptime. I am glad she is growing up, but I still miss my baby a lot too. I wish these days would last longer they go by in a blink of an eye.

Moment in time Monday

I love my free-spirited

sassy little girl

Alayah sayings

babbit-rabbit

chicken nuts-chicken nuggets

supersour- sweet n sour

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for my daughter's serious side

Wordless Wednesday

How Alayah feels about school

She is still ver uneasy about going to school. She cries everytime I drop her off no matter how long I stay. I hope she gets past this seperation anxiety soon.

Hair Progress

I decided to put some pictures of Alayah during the same month over the years next to each other and I couldn't believe how much her hair grew between 2010 and 2011 and she even had a couple of trims that year too. It makes me wonder how much it will have grown by next January.

Cleaning the Pool

Alayah loves to help her Papa clean the pool. I can't wait until it's warm enough to actually get in the pool.

I snapped this picture when they were testing the chlorine levels in the pool. I love that my girl is so helpful and really enjoys taking part in what we are doing.

Thankful Friday

Thankful for my little preschooler. She is growing up so fast

1st day of Pre-School

Alayah had her first day of pre-school today. We were in no hurry to get up early and rush there by a certain time, so I packed her lunch this morning. She had tomatoes and ranch dip, mandarin organges, a  ham and cheese sandwich and some fruit snacks. She ate everything but the sandwich.

I braided her hair last night so all I had to do this morning was add the headband and comb out her fro and add moisturizer.

I promised her that I would stay with her at school until it was time for me to go to work so I ended up there for almost two hours. I had previously taken Alayah in to visit and she was supposed to be in room 1 which consisted of older 2's and younger 3year olds. I wasn't very pleased with the class. One because the kids seemed further behind then Alayah and I was hoping for her to be in a room with older kids so she could learn from them and grow...not regress into some bad behaviors I saw some of the kids in this room displaying. The other reason I wasn't happy was because the entire 1.5 hours we were there the two teachers never said a word to her. I spent the next week really nervous about taking her there and was totally ready to raise a fire if they didn't speak to her again today.

Luckily, right when we got there they told me they had an opening in a different room and if I wanted I could move her over there. I jumped on it lol. The new room consists of 3-4 year olds. Instead of learning colors and shapes they are learning letters and numbers. Even though Alayah doesn't know all her colors and shapes I am sure she will catch on soon. This new class is just what I wanted. We walked in and both teachers immediately came over and introduced themselves and said something positive about Alayah. One said her hair was beautiful and like a work of art.

I ended up leaving earlier than I had planned because Alayah was doing so well. She didn't cry when I left and when my Mom went to pick her up they said she had an awesome first day and that her favorite thing to play with was the dinosaurs. She had some trouble with transitions throughout the day, but that is something I have been working on with Alayah already. She does not like to stop doing something she is enjoying until she is ready. She seems excited about going back tomorrow and I am excited that she enjoyed it so much. After my mom picked her up this evening she ate a chicken nugget happy meal and then ate a piece of cheese pizza and two breadsticks. I guess school makes lil miss very hungry

Changes

So tomorrow my baby girl starts pre-school. It's more like daycare with a pre-school curriculum, but this is the first time she has gone to a daycare center. When she was in daycare before it was an in-home daycare and she started there when she was 7 months old. I am really nervous about tomorrow. One because Alayah seems to think that I am staying with her the whole time even though I've tried to explain to her that I have to go to work. I know Alayah will be a good little girl, but she doesn't like when things are loud and crazy and upon visiting her classroom I can see that at some points it will get that way. I just hope that she isn't scared while I am away and that she doesn't just sit there to afraid to do anything. I took her to the daycare center at my workout facility once and she sat in a chair the whole time and never got up. I hope her teachers will give her extra attention on her first day and make her feel safe.

Hoover Damn

We went to the Hoover Damn today and also drove over the new bridge that was built. I was scared to go over the bridge, but the sides are so high you can't see anything when going across so that made it breezy.

We couldn't go on the damn tour because only kids over 8 could go and since Alayah was with us we couldn't go. I was bummed, but I can always go back another time.

We stopped by the zodiac sign wheel they had and I snapped a picture of Alayah with it. I also went and by the ledge of the damn where Shiloh stood in Transformers lol.

All day all Alayah wanted to do was climb a "mounteen" as she calls it. I found the side of a big cliff and let her climb up. She was so happy and would have kept climbing if I hadn't stopped her. Climbing that little hill made her day and that's all she talked about all the way home. Afterwards, we went to Rio Casino and ate at the Carnival Buffet. It was a great day.

A day at Laughlin

We drove down to Laughlin today....why I am still not sure. My parents sad we were going to the Hoover Damn, but then we ended up in Laughlin instead.  I was bored, but I lived.

Alayah ran wild so she had fun.

She also took time to roll in the grass. I love her free spirit.

After a walk by the river we headed home and stopped at a yummy buffet to eat dinner. I love the carnival buffet at the Rio hotel....best one out there.

Thankful Thursday

I love this girl and her love of horses. She just had to have the cowgirl hat and tights so she could be a cowboy

Disney on Ice

Tonight was a special night for Alayah. I bought tickets to see Disney on Ice and so we made it a special night including dinner together.  We stopped for pizza and enjoyed some good conversations. Then off we headed to the arena.

The had lots of toys and junk for sale in front of all the entrances to the stadium and they happened to have a really cute horse, so I let Alayah purchase that.

Disney on Ice was awesome! It was way more than I expected it to be. It included all the disney princesses and princes. It also had Alice in Wonderland, Lilo and Stitch, all the villans from the disney movies, Toy Story,  and of course Mickey and the gang.

They also had sections where they traveled different places of the world. It was just awesome all the way around and I was kind of sad when it was all over. Alayah sat nicely and enjoyed the entire show as well.

I love that Alayah and I can go out and enjoy things like this together and I can't wait to do more.

Moment in Time Monday

Modeling her new preschool/daycare outfit. She is so excited about starting "cool" as she calls it. I don't think she will be so excited when she figures out that i'm not staying with her.

P.S this is another 4T outfit lol

Fro-A-Licioius

This girls hair just keeps getting bigger on the sides and the top....

but in the back its flat and no life...*sigh*

One day I will get the natural fro figured out for her....it will be awesome.

P.S This whole outfit is a 4T!!! She pretty much skipped 3T's and 4T's just fit...soon I will be shopping fully in the big girl department and I'm really bummed about that. I'm not ready lol

Roar!!!

I think she does a good impersonation. :)

Happy Birthday Alayah Ni'Emah

3 years ago today my world changed for the better. Oh, how I wish I would have savored her baby days. Instead I was living as if I was watching from above. Not really in the moment. I regret that a lot. I was under so much stress that I couldn't enjoy my new blessing. Instead I was hoping to make it through the day without fighting or crying over something her father did. *sigh*

Luckily, I have learned now to cherish every moment as it all goes by so fast. I want every day to be special. I want to make some time of memory that I can keep with me forever as much as possible.

21 days old

My little girl came into this world right on time. She was due 1/3/08 and she was born at 10:44pm. She was 6lbs 15.9oz and was wide awake for quite awhile. I loved her instantly. I remember taking a shower right after and as I stood there with the warm water running down my back I looked down and realized I had a baby....a baby...a real live person that just came out of me waiting just on the other side of the wall. I remember taking my time and processing the fact that when I walked out of the bathroom I was walking into my new life. My new life as a mommy a mommy of a little girl.

6 months old

Alayah is my world. Everything I do is for her and to make sure she has the best life possible. She didn't ask to be brought into this world. She didn't ask for a single mom or for her dad to be absent. I feel awful that we couldn't make it work and that he isn't here for her, but I will do my best to make sure she always feels loved, appreciated, and wanted.

1 year old

Alayah's first year of life was filled with lots of changes for me and I feel like I wasn't the best mom I could have been back then. Instead of stepping back and realizing I was a mom and I needed to soak in everything that was our world....I kept busy. Too busy. I was always busy helping my friends out babysitting their kids or giving them rides or worrying too much about the fact that Alayah's dad was gone. I feel like I didn't take enough pictures...I can't remember most things about her first year and I can't get those memories back.

18 months

Alayah's second was when I accepted the fact that her dad wasn't going to be around and that we were not going to be able to work things out. Instead of focusing on Alayah and myself, I became depressed. I hardly took any pictures of her at all for the first 3 months of 2009. Again months of memories gone that I can't get back. I don't remember what she was like because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Too busy trying to find things to be mad at her dad for. By summer time I had a friend move in with me who had two kids because her boyfriend was abusive. I spent 3 months helping her and sharing my apartment and babysitting every day to help her out. Then all of a sudden we got into an argument and she was gone and I was left with regrets of focusing on others instead of Alayah and myself.

2 years old

In November of 2009 we had to move out of our apartment because it flooded. This brought about many sad feelings for me because I lived there for 5 years. All the memories I had of Alayah were in that apartment. She came home to that apartment. It was very hard on me to leave. We moved in with my grandmother to help her out and to have a roof over our head. Once we were there for a couple of months I started to focus everything I had on Alayah. She became the center of my world and everything seemed to be falling into place. It was the first time I didn't worry about my friends or her father....just us.

2.5 years old

Alayah thrived in 2010. She started talking towards summer which was big because she was over two and still didn't say hardly anything. I was focusing on how to get us where we needed to be and then I found out I was being laid off. Then it seemed like everything I was working for was falling apart. My parents offered to let us live with them, but that meant a major move. I decided that the best thing for us would be for me to go back to school so I can get a good paying job. It is hard living with my parents after being on my own for so long. I am still adjusting as is Alayah. We are trying to find a routine and trying to figure out how to be a family of two sometimes and not always a family of 5 with my parents and grandma.

As we enter our fourth year together I am hoping that I can find focus. I have to rely on myself alone to get the things done I need to and to look out for the best interests for Alayah. Sometimes it is hard to be the only one making major decisions regarding her. Some days I would just like a little feed back or to discuss different options with the one other person I feel should be there, but its not an option.

I want 2011 to be our best year yet. I don't want to miss anything...I don't want to get caught up in the day to day I want to remember all that is Alayah when she was 3.  Happy Birthday baby girl....I love you so much.

Alayah's 3rd Birthday Party

Since everyone has to work tomorrow we are celebrating Alayah's birthday today.

I still feel bad that she doesn't have any friends to invite to her party, but I am trying to make the best of it. I still decorated and bought party supplies even though she is the only one who will be using any of it. 

She loves horses, so a my little pony party seemed fitting. She loved her cake and was so excited to be able to blow out some candles.

She loved when we sang her Happy Birthday, but she was even  more excited when we were done so that she could blow out the candles.

After cake and ice cream we let her open her presents. She was much faster about opening these presents than she was her Christmas presents.

She pretty much got all horse related stuff and she was loving it.

I got her a book called "Every cowgirl needs a Horse" and she seemed pretty excited about reading it later today.

Her big present from me was this ride on horse. She loves it. She calls it bullseye and says she is a cowboy and rides him across the kitchen.

Her present from her grandparents was horseback riding. They paid for 30 minutes of riding as the owners said kids Alayah's age only have interest in riding for about that long. (They haven't met Alayah)

It was pretty cold out so we had to dig out some warmer clothes. Alayah said she wasn't cold, but the rest of us were. The first horse she rode was named Popsicle. The lady rode on a seperate horse and led popsicle and Alayah around.

Alayah did so well they decided to let her ride a smaller horse all by herself.

Meet Sassy. Alayah rode this horse for quite a while. She learned how to kick to make the horse go, even though her legs were a little too short to do much, she learned how to pull the reigns back and say whoa to make the horse stop, and she learned to pull the reigns to either side to make the horse turn.

Alayah rode the horse around barrels and up and down little dips. She was loving every minute of it.

She was supposed to be done after 30 minutes, but she wanted to ride just one more and the lady happily obliged. The people that worked at this place kept asking how old she was. They thought she was 4. They couldn't believe she was so content and into riding. The very last horse she rode was named Sage in the picture above. He was a pretty big horse. His back was as tall as me. Alayah had a great day and since she did so well my parents are signing her up for a pee wee class. I think she will love it. :)