Friday, January 4, 2008

First Day of Life

After Alayah was born her daddy went with her to take pictures of her getting her first bath. I really wish that I could have been there to see that, but instead I was taking a much needed hot shower. It felt so good to just stand under the hot water. I remember standing there thinking that when I come out of the bathroom my daughter will be on the other side of the door. My child who I grew and loved inside of me is now experiencing her first moments apart from me. It was almost like stepping from the surreal to the real with the opening of a door.

Once I was out of the shower we were moved to another(much smaller)room. This is where I was able to hold my baby without anyone but her daddy around and really take in the beautiful child that God had sent me. I ran my finger down her cheeks just trying to take in every thing about her. Her daddy and I stayed up until about six am when we decided to go to sleep, but right when we were getting comfy...the nurses came in to do their morning rounds. They drew my blood and took Alayah off to the nursery so that her pediatrition could take a look at her. Once Alayah was gone her dad decided to go home and get some sleep and take a shower. I tried to get some sleep, but I couldn't get my mind to quiet down. Thoughts of the future and memories of the night flooded my brain. After about an hour I couldn't stand being away from my girl any longer. I buzzed the nurse to have her find out if she could come back to my room yet. I waited and waited and no one came back. Her daddy finally came back about 9 and I demanded that he go to the nursery and get her as I couldn't be away from her anymore. I needed my baby. He brought her back and I felt like I was complete again. I held my girl and put her in her first little outfit. I remember when I bought it everyone said that it was going to be too small, but we proved them wrong as it fit perfectly.

Later in the afternoon after some visitors and a rest we were moved to another room that had two beds so that her daddy would have somewhere to rest as well. The wind was so bad that night that it kept blowing the power out and the generators would kick in. It was kind of annoying because it would shut the t.v off each time and I would have to flip through all the channels to get back to where I was. My best friend and Alayah's godmommy came to visit us for a little bit and right before bed the nurse came in and took Alayah off to get her pictures taken. The nurse said she would bring her back when they were done, but I fell asleep and it wasn't until almost six am that she brought her back. I was disappointed, but at the same time I know that I needed my sleep. My first day as a mommy...completely wonderful.
I love her so much and I don't know what my life was before she was here. She has given me meaning. Thank you God...thank you :)

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Alayah Ni'Emah Faye

I always wondered how I would know when it was time to push and let me tell you...there is no questioning when the time comes. My body was pushing without my control. The doctor said that I couldn't push because I wasn't fully dialated. She asked me to try to fight the urge. I tried but it hurt worse to fight it and at that point I really didn't care anymore. The doctor decided to go ahead and let me try to push to see what I could do. Once they got me set up the doctor said that the baby had already begun to crown. Once she let me push the pain of the contractions subsided and I was so releaved that I was focusing on the lack of pain and not pushing. The doctor kept having to remind me to push. I remember thinking to myself that since I could feel everything that she was going to end up cutting me and so I didn't want to push. I decided that since the pain was gone that I was just gunna sit there and wait it out. Obviously, I wasn't thinking very clearly. I started pushing at 10:30pm and at 10:44pm Alayah Ni'Emah Faye was born into this world.

She weighed 6lbs 15.9oz and was 19 inches long. Her apgars were 9 and 9. Once she was out the doctor layed her on my chest. Honestly, I felt disconnected from myself. I didn't know what to think or feel. This life just came out of my body....a life that I spent 9 months growing inside me. A life that only I had spent time with. My life changed in an instant and I was disconnected. She didn't cry when she was born...she just layed there quietly trying to open her eyes. I remember helping the nurse wipe her with the towel, but I didn't know what to say or to feel. I think my mind and body were just worn out from the whole experience. I labored from about 5pm to 10:30pm...only5 and a half hours. Not bad for my first labor.

Once she was cleaned up and brought over to me I finally got to take a good look at my new baby girl. I never really imagined her looking a specific way, but I was so happy to meet her and get to see what was growing inside me for so long. I instantly loved her and I can't wait to see what the future holds for lil miss and I. Oh how I love my baby girl.


The contractions started to get really sharp and painful on the way to the hospital. I told her daddy to park in the parking garage and I would walk into the hospital. I had this overwhelming urge to want to be tough. I could have been dropped off at the front door and wheeled up to the third floor, but walking felt more empowering. I remember being in the elevator with several people and even though I was in really bad pain I wanted to stand there and look like it wasn't. Once we got to the third floor the nurses set me up in a room so that they could check to see how far I was dialated.

The contractions just kept coming and they were starting to take my breath away, but nurses checked me and said that I was only two centimeters dialated so they were going to send me home. I was so disappointed when they told me that. I was in so much pain I couldn't think how I was going to handle going home.

Luckily, my doctor happened to be at the hospital so she came in to check me. She said that I was three centimeters dialated at that they were going to go ahead and get a room set up for me. I was so grateful at that point, but also scared that labor was really happening and there was no turning back at this point.

Once the new room was set up they asked me to walk down to the end of the hall. I remember the contractions had spaced out just a little bit but I knew I didn't want to be walking when once came along. I changed into my gown and her daddy held my arm as we walked down the hall. He was trying to be real careful and walk slow, but I felt a contraction coming and I was like "lets go now" and was pulling him along behind me.

When I got into the bed my doctor came in to check me again and I had dialated to 5cm. I couldn't believe I dialated 2cm in less than 30 minutes. The nurse tried to give me an i.v., but she couldn't find a vein. After many attempts they had to call the lif flight crew to come down and get an i.v started. At this point all I wanted was an epidural. They said that I couldn't have an epidural until I had an i.v in for about an hour. I think mentally I lost it at that point. My contractions were every 2 minutes and were lasting almost two minutes each time. I barely had time to recover from one before the next one started. The thought of having hours left to deal with this horrible pain made me want to give up and I lost all strength to deal with the pain. I became emotional and I just wanted it to be over.

They finally got an i.v started and I couldn't wait for the anesthiologist to get there. The epidural was started and I thought "yes! I can take a break and enjoy what is left of my labor."

Unfortunately, the epidural didn't work. They said it would take about 20 minutes to take affect, but the contractions became stronger and more painful.

The doctor said I had dialated to 7cm, but that I had stopped dialating. By now it was some time after 9:00pm. The doctor decided to put a catheter in to empty my bladder so that the baby would drop lower and maybe help with dialating. When the nurse went to put the catheter in I jumped from the pain. She was like "you can feel that?" I said yes and she looked at the doctor and said "I don't think the epidural is working" Are you think I am moaning and groaning for the fun of it....geez. Shortly after that I began to have the urge to push.

Headed to the hospital

I headed home and when I got there, her daddy was already getting out of the shower and getting himself ready to go. I layed down in bed with a notebook so I could continue to time my contractions. The contractions started to really bother me so I decided to take a bath. I got in the bathtub and it was too hot and not comfortable so I got back in bed. The contractions started to change up going from 2 minutes to 13 minutes to 5 minutes, so I thought that it was was false labor. Her daddy kept telling me to get ready to go to the hospital its time. I said no....I don't think its the real deal. He asked me how far apart the contractions were and they were about 2-3 minutes apart for the last half hour.
He called my parents and let them know we were headed to the hospital. At that point I lost it and started crying. I don't even know why, but the whole situation was just overwhelming to me. I have all these feelings rushing through my head and they are all mixed up. I am excited, scared, nervous, sad that this phase of my life is ending, and ready for the next phase of my life to begin. It's about 5:45pm and we are headed to the hospital. I'm so nervous and scared right now, but my baby girl is going to be here soon.....I can't wait to meet her!!!

I think I'm in labor

I woke up this morning feeling really crampy and tired. I was still sore from the membrane stripping yesterday so I didn't think much of it. I went to work at 10:00am and after about an hour or two I felt this tingly feeling in my back. It didn't hurt, but it was starting to get annoying. I decided to start timing them to see if there was a pattern and sure enough every 6-7 minutes my back would tingle. After an hour I called my doctor to ask if it could be early labor. The nurse told me to keep timing them and when they got to 5 minutes apart for an hour to go to the hospital to get checked. I stayed at work until about 3pm when the contractions were starting to hurt and I couldn't sit comfortably anymore.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


I had a doctor's appointment today for my 40 week check. I waited in the room for over two hours with my mom when the doctor finally came in. It was kind of annoying as I was naked from the waste down the whole time, and it is really hard to sit or lay with a big giant basketball in your lap. The doctor checked me and said that I was 1-2cm not much change from the week before. She decided to strip my membranes and let oh my gosh that hurt!!! It was nice to know that the baby is still doing okay, but its scary to think that the time is almost here for me to have to push this baby out. I haven't quite let myself totally think about that yet because I'm so afraid to think about it. Tomorrow is her due date, but I don't think that she is going to come on time. Her daddy has been antsy about her coming for the last couple of weeks. I'm okay with her not coming on time because I'm enjoying being pregnant and feeling her move inside me.

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